Contest #17: January 17 to 30, 1997

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The winning entry was submitted by Brett Dunst. It was:

Jack, on a Dukematch break, focuses his psychic energy on an unwrapped Christmas present. Underwear.

Some of the others (in no particular order):

  1. Atomic Microsoft, huh? (J.J. Bartek)
  2. Aw, come on, Boss. Just 'cause you glue a handle to the top of a the thing doesn't make it a portable. I still want a laptop! (Al Hunt)
  3. And by careful use of the Live Shot Camera and a number of cunning disguises, Joe managed to disguise the fact that 3D Realms was in fact a one man operation run from his darkened bedroom. (Chris McMullen)
  4. Bond, having cleverly planted the Burn-In Module in Duke Nukem 3D, makes a daring escape, piloting his hover car with only an ordinary Sidewinder Joystick. However, he made a fatal mistake. The speakers, glowing with a strange inner light, have betrayed him. Even as we speak they flash impersonally, trying to attract the attention of some scratchy-voiced 3D-Realms Intern. (Robert Klein)
  5. When Mr. Happy is not perfecting his plans for world domination. He will spend hours blending seamlessly into his environment so not to be seen by his next victim. (Adam Kraus)
  6. The beloved Jack from the Jack-in-the Box commercials decides to try to play Duke3D for the first time ever, having never played the game before opts to use a Microsoft Sidewinder Joystick for a controller, but finds his fame has made him buy a computer that's just a little to big for even his inflated head. (Ian Thompson)
  7. With the arrival of the blinding light, aliens begin their descent through the Earth's atmosphere. Workers at 3DRealms leap out of a 3rd story window in a valiant attempt to defend the planet, but forget that their jetpacks had ran out thanks to their daily tradition of playing "scare the locals." (Marshall Hay)

In reality, this is one of the development computers at 3D Realms.