Contest #19: February 14 to 27, 1997

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The winning entry was submitted by Gavin Klahr. It was:

Ugh. If I have to endure another MINUTE of TECH SUPPORT for APOGEE SOFTWARE, sitting here with with my eyes BLOOD RED staring at this STUPID SCREEN, my ears BLEEDING from SCREECHING callers, my hands ACHING from CARPAL TUNNEL KEYBOARDING, and this STUPID GIT sitting behind me enthralling me with his old PROGRAMMING STORIES, I think I will honestly MAIL-BOMB the NEXT person to call ME!'

Some of the others (in no particular order):

  1. Here we see the rare gorilla species Formerus-Apogeeus-Employeeus. In this rare photo it is attempting to mate with the camera after giving its mating call. And so this ends this edition of Wild Wild Corporate America. (Douglas Easton)
  2. "Private office, state-of-the-art equipment...Yeah, right!" (John Ballem)
  3. Listening in to the dialog at Apogee: (Matt Cornelison)

    Kevin: Mission Command do you read ... repeat do you read mission command...
    Shawn: Kevin, Shut Up! I'm right in front of you ..... You've gone too far with these walkey talkies.

  4. Thank you for purchasing your Abdominator. For an additional $19.95 you can get the Richard Simmons' "Jiggle 'Till Ya Puke" video. Are you interested? (Al Hunt)
  5. The tech help phone rings, and Kevin is smug in the knowledge that this time, he doesn't have to answer it. (Stephen Townsend)
  6. The thought transfer device has developed a glitch. Shawn's mind is emptied while Kevin becomes the real loser. (Gerald J. Roberts)

An Honorable Mention:

"Kevin looks on with glee knowing he doesn't have to take this call after Shawn says "Oh crap. Debbie Flowers!" (Joe Siegler)

In reality, this is Shawn Green & Kevin Green (no relation) from November of 1992.