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The winning
entry was submitted by David
Livingstone. It was:
 "If
paunchy, drunken, geeky fools like Matt can get really hot
girlfriends...where the hell does that leave me in the social order?"
Some of the others (in no particular order):
- Matt demonstrates that it *is* indeed
possible (after consuming sufficient amounts of alcohol) to walk
ass-backwards. (Tom Hoelscher)
- Matt talking to himself: I think I'm gonna
try to replace the booth babes next year at E3. (Billy Carroll)
- "File photo of Matt Wood. This is the
picture he included with his resume sent to 3D Realms. Rumors say it was
the reason he was selected over many other more qualified individuals."
(Ryan Raner)
- Matt decides to abandon his job at 3DR in
pursuit of a career in prostitution. He quickly rethinks his decision,
however, when he notices his only customer is Joe Siegler making googly
eyes at him from a nondescript white van. (Jeremy Norman)
- In a moment, Matt will exhale his
cigarette smoke out of his belly-button! (Cameron Orr)
- Standing in the parking lot, with a cancer
stick in his mouth, Matt realises how eloborate and precious life is. How
important he should hold every sensation he has had, how little time he
really has on this world. He realises how sexy his body really is (Ryan
Randolph)
- Steve Irwin (Croc Hunter): "Look here! Its
a rare ape species called the Matt Wood... <point to Matt's belly> "You
see how he's flashing his beer gut? That's how he attracts a mate, a
female ape species called the 'Skank-Whore'... " (Dustin B)
- Here we see definite proof that not all of
the "After" pictures from weight watchers are success stories. (Steven
Head)
- Matt shows us undeniable proof that
3dRealms will give birth to Duke Nukem Forever in 6 months. (Greg Kishi)
- WARNING: Smoking may cause harm to unborn
children, including, but not limited to: Beer belly, excessive body hair,
and the desire to stand in front of white trucks with a bad hairdo. (No
name)
- That's Eminem. 10 years from now. When
nobody gives a shit about rap anymore. (Gautam Menon)
- <Fat Bastard>I'm dead sexy!</Fat Bastard>
(Many, MANY, people)
In reality, this is
Matt Wood... we don't know what Matt is
doing, but he was drunk after a company dinner party. :)
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