|
But
where is DNF heading, will it ever be
released? To answer these questions, This Strife tracked down Todd
Replogle, the only man who could explain the method to 3Drealms madness.
 Todd, many people must be
wondering, just why is DNF taking so long? Are
you guys working on the game, or just playing games all day?
 There's
plenty to do in an office full of sweaty guys lurking in dark
corners. We spend much of our evenings praying for the Holy One to
shower
us with riches and women and such, while dreaming of them wonderful
things
during the day as we sleep.
Just
why did you switch from the Quake2 engine to Unreal, was it just for
the hell of it?
Yes,
that's exactly right. For the hell of it. We thought id software had
too much of a monopoly on Hell, so we decided to shift our focus away
from
sin and gravitate towards a Jesus-friendly coding style.
We've all heard the rumours about the game
featuring STOPID
functionality. Just what does this stand for, and more importantly, what
does it do?
I
misspelled the word "stupoid."
What
main features about DNF will make it stand apart from every other
game on the market?
There
are several new brilliant and exciting features!
Duke Nukem has
full use of his hands with the aid of a creative user interface device,
or CUID implementation. He now has the ability to construct and
deconstruct multiple items with nearly an infinite number of possible
uses, just like in real life! Duke's construction abilities are limited
if he looses an arm, worse if he lacks a makeshift cauterizing tool and
gauze.
Like its
predecessor DNF will be a multiplayer game only, lacking any substantial
enemy artificial intelligence. The .CON files are used only to record
Duke's criminal history.
In episode two
Duke Nukem can silence a group of tense critics with a flame thrower
after he admits to having more than one homosexual thought.
Part of Duke's
inventory can include variable length hemp rope.
Episode four has
many secret rooms Duke can accidentally stumble into. One hidden area
leads to the bowels of an Internal Revenue Service office. A collections
officer wearing an eye patch recognizes him immediately and discovers he
hasn't filed or paid income taxes since his debut. Duke's excuse for his
lack of obedience is that the government can easily "pirate" more
currency, and doesn't need any of his.
DNF incorporates a
revolutionary new real-time natural behavior physics engine technology,
or the NBPET. We're still trying very hard to come up with a catchy
acronym. This amazing bit of code gives the user a more realistic gaming
experience, and allows developers to say big words to gullible publicly
owned software distributors.
Not only can Duke
drive vehicles in DNF, his half sister Bombshell Jill can get out and
loosen a lug nut.
Long after DNF
ships, and becomes a part of the history books, an aging Duke Nukem's
next series of adventures is titled "Duke Nukem 5: Loan Officer" where
he's promoted from being a security guard at an insolvent regional bank.
All
the standard first person shooter weapons being ditched for
non-lethal weapons? This is what one industry source has been quoted as
saying, is it true?
It's
partially true I think. Unloaded weapons can be used to beat small
defenseless animals.
With
the big success of the Gameboy Advance, 2D titles have never been so
popular. Will DNF evolve past a 3D game, back into being a 2D
sidescroller?
DNF
is a 3D game? The next series of Duke Nukem games for the Gameboy
Advance will use our advanced 3.5D sidescrolling engine. I cannot
elaborate because the concept is highly confidential, top secret, big
time
money making disco dancing Ferrari type stuff, and is still in the
eerily
stages of development.
Thank you Todd.
Can we trust the word of someone who has admitted to * attacking dogs in
the street? (*This fact has been made up)
Then you'll have to excuse this hardened critic if I say Yes, but is the
testimony of one man enough?
[ Next: An exclusive
look at DNF ]
|
