Contest #209: January 4 to January 17, 2005


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The winning entry was submitted by Tom Hoelscher. It was:

After that whole gerbil/rectum fiasco, Ruben has discovered that shoving a gigantic bug up your nose can be almost as pleasurable.

Some of the others (in no particular order):

  1. Sadly, this is the only "tail" Ruben could score at the party. (David Biggerstaff)
  2. Bored with the long development of Duke Nukem Forever, Ruben Cabrera quits his job at 3D Realms to join the nu-metal band SLIPKNOT, and changes his name to "Crabface" (Mikolaj Makowski)
  3. The Pig Cabreras come from mutated 3D Realms staff members and are positioned to suppress residual human opposition and to police the new alien power on Earth. These characters exhibit an extremely high intolerance to the presence of table manners and are filled with rage when they detect any scent of etiquette. When confronted, this character may drop either their silverware or their dignity. (Scott Pakin)
  4. "And now, ladies and gentlemen, my impression of Mr. Snuffleupagus." (Jaclyn Hafenstein)
  5. Michael Jackson just called, he wants his nose back. (Peter Miljanovic)
  6. "Ruben thought he was being pretty funny, until the lobster, in a last ditch attempt to save itself, lauched its entrails into his nose and throttled his brain." (Victor Flickstein)

In reality, this is Ruben Cabrera hamming it up with his food at a party.