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The winning
entry was submitted by Tom Hoelscher. It was:
 After
that whole gerbil/rectum fiasco, Ruben has discovered that shoving a
gigantic bug up your nose can be almost as pleasurable.
Some
of the others (in no particular order):
- Sadly, this is the only "tail" Ruben could
score at the party. (David Biggerstaff)
- Bored with the long development of Duke
Nukem Forever, Ruben Cabrera quits his job at 3D Realms to join the nu-metal
band SLIPKNOT, and changes his name to "Crabface" (Mikolaj Makowski)
- The Pig Cabreras come from mutated 3D
Realms staff members and are positioned to suppress residual human
opposition and to police the new alien power on Earth. These characters
exhibit an extremely high intolerance to the presence of table manners and
are filled with rage when they detect any scent of etiquette. When
confronted, this character may drop either their silverware or their
dignity. (Scott Pakin)
- "And now, ladies and gentlemen, my
impression of Mr. Snuffleupagus." (Jaclyn Hafenstein)
- Michael Jackson just called, he wants his
nose back. (Peter Miljanovic)
- "Ruben thought he was being pretty funny,
until the lobster, in a last ditch attempt to save itself, lauched its
entrails into his nose and throttled his brain." (Victor Flickstein)
In reality, this is Ruben Cabrera
hamming it up with his food at a party.
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