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Discuss this contest here ]
The winning
entry was submitted by Steven Head. It was:
 Bryan:
Here we have a wild Fuzzy-Faced Blackburn that has already been
tranquilized. Once the animal is suitably incapacitated, we'll attach
this radio transmitter to it by stapling it to his ass.
Some
of the others (in no particular order):
-
"The 3DR press tour has just begun. On
the left, through that door, you'll see one of our favourite
pastimes: 'Max Painful'. Steve is Max and Bryan the NYPD officer.
If we continue through to the end of the corridor, we might catch
a glimpse of Webmaster Joe at his computer trying out the new 'Fnord'
feature for Duke Nukem Forever. Finally, as we exit this office,
we see George Broussard trying to sell his soul to the devil if it
means that he can say "When it's done" without provoking the 3DR
forum trolls." (David Livingstone)
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"Bryan, tell me now... just what are
you planning to do with that boxcutter and moist towelette?"
(Steve Amren)
-
"I don't know what Bryan's holding in
his left hand, but I pray it has nothing to do with Steve kneeling
in that position!" (Gautam Menon)
-
What Steve does know is that they
replaced the "R" with "L" (Alex Chee)
-
You know what pisses me off? While we
are all killing ourselves packing, unpacking, cleaning, restocking
the coffee machine, checking orders, sending the game everywhere
around the world and praying everything gonna be alright, this guy
only thinks about taking pictures of us! (Michael Belanger)
-
Bryan: "Staring at Steve's big ass is
a payneful experience...like looking deep into an endless abyss of
horror and suffering....Feeling trapped and in payne like being
strapped to a waffle iron....an experience I know all too
well...The dimly lit room was like the waiting room to hell...the
smell of sulpher and Body Odor seeping into my clothes...I had to
turn from Steve's Big Ass....Looking at it was making my stomach
writhe in payne....I didn't even want to contemplate what was
causing that gaseous odor emanating from within...." (Daryl Moxham)
-
"And now Steve and I will prove that
playing Max Payne is much more enjoyable than giving a co-worker a
prostate exam." (Cosmo ???)
-
Despite Bryan and Steve's nostalgic
enthusiasm, the punchcard version of Max Payne never really caught
on. (Andrew Kepple)
-
Bryan and Steve drop to the ground in
an effort to avoid the potentially lethal effects of one of Joe
Siegler's post-lunch "Stealth Farts"! (Don Chin)
In
reality, this is Bryan Turner & Steve Blackburn cleaning up after we
had finished getting all the Max Payne pre-orders boxed up and ready
to go.
Here's some special ones:
-
Pin the Tail on the 3DR VP. Fun for the whole family! (Lee Jackson)
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Bryan: "Finally, after all these years of being screwed around by the
bosses...my revenge is nigh!!!" (Also Lee Jackson)
-
Bryan: "Look at the copy of Xenophage in my hand.. Voila - it's gone -
like magic!"
Steve: "Uh Bryan, where'd that copy really go? I have the overwelming
urge to use the men's room" (Joe Siegler)
And of course, we can't forget the Xenophage entries (they seem to be
out numbering good regular entries anymore):
-
As Steve finishes packing the mail bombs to the people that keep
dissing Xenophage in the caption contest, Bryan can't help but cop a
feel. (El Chiwawa ???)
-
"By golly it's a Xenophage box! Now who woulda thought that'd be
there?" (David Herdman)
-
"OK, we packed the last of the Xenophage boxes. Now let's go bury
them." (Frank DeCandia)
-
Steve: I don't care where the customers told you to shove those
Xenophage discs Bryan, so stop trying to sneak up behind me! (Stephen
Head)
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