Contest #131: September 14th to September 27, 2001


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The winning entry was submitted by Ian Brumm. It was:

*voice of girl* "AWWW You shouldn't have, A REAL Matt Wood doll for Christmas, Complete with wood, look." *points down*

Some of the others (in no particular order):

  1. Hey Matt! It's only fun if SHE puts them on and yells "Open the present". (Emanuel Masciarelli)
  2. Ha-ppy Birth-day, Mis-ter Brou-ssard, Ha-ppy Birth-day to you. (Jorge Rodriguez)
  3. With an assist from his soon to be ex-girlfriend that would haunt him for the rest of his dating life, Matt wins the game of charades as a team mate finally guesses "Pee Wee." (Trey Burns)
  4. Disheartened at the lack of a Christmas tree Matt decided to take matters into his own hands. He grabbed some ornaments and his girlfriend started placing the tinsel. (Chris O'Connor)
  5. "What! He lied to me. Good things DO NOT come in small packages!" (John White)
  6. Keeping in tradition of great Duke items like the Steroids, Shrinker, and HoloDuke, 3DRealms is proud to introduce the newest addition: Atomic Nipples. (Nick Hutzler)
  7. Matt and girlfriend practicing for their porno scene in the Max Payne sequel: Payne Comes Again (Kirk Quinbar)
  8. "My mom warned me about games programmers" (Justin Heyes-Jones)
  9. Gosh, I wish I had three hands, that's why I bring my girlfriend everywhere. (Brian Bernard)
  10. "For the upcoming Duke Nukem Forever, 3D Realms has decided to be an equal opportunist and has added male strippers to the game." (Phil Dixon)
  11. Matt goes insane with happiness after finding Charlie's secret porn stash by accident. (David Livingstone)
  12. Girlfriend: (sung to twinkle twinkle little star)

    twinkle twinkle little stars
    how i wonder where you are
    up above his breasts so high
    held in place by my stoned guy

    twinkle twinkle little star
    how i wonder.. there you are!

    *looks down and finds third star* (Brian Chang)

In reality, this is Matt Wood & his girlfriend clowning around at one of our company Christmas parties.

And of course, we can't forget this Xenophage entry:

  • Matt's casual reaction when someone asks him, "Hey, aren't you a Xenophage fan?" (Stan Marsh)